Sunday, September 06, 2009

Sad Conclusion

One of the things I was excited about when I made the decision to move back to the New York area, was the idea of being close to my old friends and family. I've been here for over a year now, and a lot has happened. I lost my job over eight months ago and have come to a sad conclusion.
It's easy having lots of friends when you are doing well. Everybody is excited to hear from you. Everybody wants to see you, everybody wants to get together. Everybody loves you.
But, when things are bad, everybody turns their backs on you. I have learned that I have acquaintances from the past, but I really have no friends. I know that things happen and people have busy lives and families. I also know that a real friend would invite you to their place to just have fun reminiscing on old times. A friend would call you to see how you are doing, maybe just send you an email to say hi. I have gotten none of those gestures.
My friends were always very important to me. I have gone out of my way to help friends many, many times. Maybe I'm asking for too much when I ask that some of them be there for me. I have been feeling really down lately, and coming to this realization has made matters worse for me.
I wonder what having a dozen "close friends" who don't even offer kind words of support, says about me. There are all these people out there and I am the common denominator. So I have to conclude that the problem is not them, but me.
Was I mistaken when I thought I had friends? have people just changed over the years? Is there something about me that repels people?
I guess from now on I can only count on myself.

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