Where did it go?
What the hell kind of summer was this? I know it's not over yet, but what has happened to the rest of it. For what it's worth, what has happened to this year? It feels like the older I get, the faster the years go by and I don't like it. I remember when I was a kid that it was an eternity between Christmases.
To make things worse, my wife found my first gray hair yesterday. I don't mean to be shallow, but it was kind of traumatic. I'm officially getting old, and there are so many things I have yet to do.
I don't know if it is that I'm naturally boring, or if it is that I've spend too much of my youth worrying and preparing for when I get old. But what I need to do is chill out and enjoy life a little more. You would think that I've learned my lesson by now, but I haven't. I live with regrets for the so many things I didn't do while in high school and college. At this rate, 10 years from now I will be living with regrets over the things I should be doing now but I'm not.
I'm always talking about how one should lead life with balance, but in reality there is little balance in my life. While others are enjoying music and Harry Potter, I'm reading the Millionaire Next Door and listening to Anthony Robbins.
I really've got to get it together for these days won't last for ever. I think I'm like a squirrel collecting nuts for the winter.
To make things worse, my wife found my first gray hair yesterday. I don't mean to be shallow, but it was kind of traumatic. I'm officially getting old, and there are so many things I have yet to do.
I don't know if it is that I'm naturally boring, or if it is that I've spend too much of my youth worrying and preparing for when I get old. But what I need to do is chill out and enjoy life a little more. You would think that I've learned my lesson by now, but I haven't. I live with regrets for the so many things I didn't do while in high school and college. At this rate, 10 years from now I will be living with regrets over the things I should be doing now but I'm not.
I'm always talking about how one should lead life with balance, but in reality there is little balance in my life. While others are enjoying music and Harry Potter, I'm reading the Millionaire Next Door and listening to Anthony Robbins.
I really've got to get it together for these days won't last for ever. I think I'm like a squirrel collecting nuts for the winter.
posted by henry siteber at 9:33 PM
5 Comments:
Dude, I know exactly what you are going through and I empathize with you completely! The years are going by much quicker, I started feeling that after I moved up to NYC when I was 18 and I've found a few grays in my hair that I immediately pluck out.
I'm 28 now and in February I'll be 29 ... Ten years ago I saw myself living a completely different life than the one I am living now and it's frustrating to think that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life or that my dreams will not be coming true. Like you, I have a ton of regrets and I'm constantly thinking, "If I could do it all over again I would have done, this, that and this different."
As 30 keeps getting closer all I can think about is that I don't want my 30s to be like my 20s in any way. I don't want to keep working for the woman, I don't want to be this fat and I don't want to live in this apartment or maybe even this state. I thought life would be much simpler than this.
Sorry for the rambling, but I've been thinking about this stuff too.
dude i have tons of gray hair and i decided that i won't dye my hair. I think gray shows character :)
Damn, I wish I could say the same, Annush. On friday afternoon, I was getting ready to go out with some friends. As I was combing my hair I noticed like 10 grey hairs...I ran out the door and into a beauty parlor to dye it!!!
I know what you mean, Henry. I feel like last Christmas was only yesterday and now Christmas is just 4 months away...We ARE getting old, man!!!
No te apure' septiembre viene ahi. :)
Re your posting of 12/11/05. I just happened upon this because I'm sitting at work depressed. I don't mean to get you down, but you're where I was two years ago. My wife started hearing voices 3 years ago, slowly at first. Two years ago she turned on me and started beating me. Somehow I would calm her down each day when I got home from work. She wasn't working for about a year and a half, didn't eat, slept about 2 hours a day, and smoked maybe 3 packs of cigs a day.
About a year and a half ago she became so violent I had to put her in the hospital. Really, she dislocated my shoulder by tackling me. Since then, we made it about a year before she started back up. During that year, she got a job and the doctor cut her anti-psychotic from 100mg to 50mg, and she occasionally hears voices on that dose. She's still on her anti-psychotic, but she's heard the voices so many times they're real to her, and they tell her some nasty shit about me, my family, her family, etc.
Two things:
First: Its NOT YOUR FAULT. No amount of therapy can START a person having psychotic delusions. Get a release signed and talk to her doctor. Talk to anybody who knows anything about it. Psychosis can be caused by a lot of things. My wife's was caused by untreated bipolar disorder. I couldn't get my wife to see a doctor until it was too late to turn her around, and now I can't stand to be in the same room with her. But I stuck it out for way too long. It sounds like your wife's therapy merely leant the delusions a frame of reference. My wife's frame of reference is telepathy, as in the voices are other people talking in her head.
Second: YOU are the only person who can decide when you've had enough. My parents, her parents, everybody told me for a year that I didn't have to take care of her; that her hitting and constant screaming must be driving me nuts. And they did. Now I've got post traumatic stress disorder, smoke 2 packs a day, sleep 4 hours a day, and only still have a job becuase I work for my future-ex-father-in-law. I have a nervous breakdown every other day, and its been 3 months since we've slept in the same house, since I woke up at 5:16 a.m. somewhere in the middle of October with her hands very tightly around my throat. What a fucking nightmare. WATCH YOUR OWN HEALTH closer than you watch hers. She needs you, but you are going to need your family, her family, the support of every person you know to get through the first year or two of psychosis, if you are able to stick with it. But you have to know when to say enough is enough.
Good luck to you and yours.
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